learning to love me again

This week has been a hard week for me. I would like to say its all been physical but to be honest most of it has been mental. I have a bad case of shin splints from the race on Sat and I've slowed myself down this week to recoup and try to get back to 100%. I've done mostly biking,planks and working out on my balancing ball. So as far as my shin is going I'm getting much better with it. Like I said on my last blog I'm my worst critic. I've learned that through sarcasm and laughter I can hide the fact I don't like who I have become. I didn't realize I was so negative about myself until this week one of my friends had pointed it out to me. People will say "wow look your getting skinny" or "your so pretty", and I will say things like well I'm trying or yeah right for a big girl. I didn't realize until this week by me doing this to myself I'm lowering my self esteem by a lot. I do have a problem with looking in the mirror and still seeing the big girl I once was and I sometimes think people are only saying thing like that to be nice, but what I have decided is I'm going to learn how to love me again. I'm going to start small and when people tell me I look pretty or that I'm getting thin I'm going to smile and say thank you. I'm not going to say whatever or think they are just trying to be nice. If they are telling me that without being prompted they must mean it and I have to start seeing it that way. I also got a chance to talk to biggest looser contestant Joe Mitchell today, he is a very nice man and had a great way for me to quit looking at the negative. I'm going to put a small note book beside my bed and every night I'm going to write down just one thing I "honestly" love about myself. Then I'm going to reread all of the things I have written down. I think by writing it down and knowing I'm only putting down what I honestly love it will help me see the real me not the one I see now. As for me learning how to love me again will probably be the biggest hurdle in my weight loss. I am going to take on this challenge and conquer it! one thing I "honestly " love about myself: I'm a great mom!

Go team Me!!!!!!

I have had the most busy two weeks of my life. lol First of all I should say I quit trying to workout six days a week between doing that and working 40-50 hours a week it was too much for me to deal with. So I decided that I would change my goals and just try to put in the same amount of hours but in less days. So right now I'm trying to put in at least 7hrs of exercise a week and it seems to be working out better for me because I feel like I still get a couple of days off. I've started doing Zumba as a religion. lol I love doing the class and to be honest I don't even notice that I'm working out for an hour in my mind its an hour of dance and lets be honest who don't like to shake what their mama gave them. I've also fallen in love with working out in the pool it is so much easier on my knees and I still feel like I'm a limp dish rag when I'm done. Last Saturday the marathon team all got together to help out with one of the funnest things I've done in a while. We helped with the Covenant Health kids run at the Knoxville Zoo. I love cheering on the kids and seeing their little faces light up when they saw the finish line. I think it was so wonderful to see so many kids and their parents involved in this race. I honestly believe that getting healthy starts with home. I think if your parents help show you the right path you will follow that path for life. As my dad use to say "as a seed is sown so shall it grow". On Sunday I met up with Missy and Arielle along with my friend Jackie and did a senior thing at the Woman's basket ball hall of fame. We got to hang out with a bunch of great seniors and then we got to go the a Lady Vols game. I had never been to a game and I was very excited. I had so much fun and learned so much about basket ball. Today I ran my first 10K...go team Me! I did 6.2 miles in 1hr36min. My time was a little slower than when I did the Jingle bell run, but it was twice the distance. I have to say I was scared to run this race today. I have a hard time getting out of my head and sometimes when I'm in my head I think negative things like:" your not going to be able to run this whole race, its going to snow and your going to fall and hurt yourself then what are you going to do, your only fooling yourself your not strong enough to finish this" Things of that nature. I know I'm human and sometimes we are our worst critic but I learned today those thoughts are just there to hold us back. I had to remember where I came from and the road I have already traveled and tell those thoughts they are wrong. I'm strong, I'm not going to get hurt, I'm going to finish! I got up got my clothes on and went to the race. I was so proud of myself and for my other team members who did the race because we shut out the doubt in our heads and we did it. We all finished, no one got hurt and we were all strong!!!!! I've started collecting my number bibs from all of my races so I can put my times on them. I'm going to put them is a shadow box so I can see every day that I can do this, I am doing this and I will continue to do this!