learning to love me again

This week has been a hard week for me. I would like to say its all been physical but to be honest most of it has been mental. I have a bad case of shin splints from the race on Sat and I've slowed myself down this week to recoup and try to get back to 100%. I've done mostly biking,planks and working out on my balancing ball. So as far as my shin is going I'm getting much better with it. Like I said on my last blog I'm my worst critic. I've learned that through sarcasm and laughter I can hide the fact I don't like who I have become. I didn't realize I was so negative about myself until this week one of my friends had pointed it out to me. People will say "wow look your getting skinny" or "your so pretty", and I will say things like well I'm trying or yeah right for a big girl. I didn't realize until this week by me doing this to myself I'm lowering my self esteem by a lot. I do have a problem with looking in the mirror and still seeing the big girl I once was and I sometimes think people are only saying thing like that to be nice, but what I have decided is I'm going to learn how to love me again. I'm going to start small and when people tell me I look pretty or that I'm getting thin I'm going to smile and say thank you. I'm not going to say whatever or think they are just trying to be nice. If they are telling me that without being prompted they must mean it and I have to start seeing it that way. I also got a chance to talk to biggest looser contestant Joe Mitchell today, he is a very nice man and had a great way for me to quit looking at the negative. I'm going to put a small note book beside my bed and every night I'm going to write down just one thing I "honestly" love about myself. Then I'm going to reread all of the things I have written down. I think by writing it down and knowing I'm only putting down what I honestly love it will help me see the real me not the one I see now. As for me learning how to love me again will probably be the biggest hurdle in my weight loss. I am going to take on this challenge and conquer it! one thing I "honestly " love about myself: I'm a great mom!

Go team Me!!!!!!

I have had the most busy two weeks of my life. lol First of all I should say I quit trying to workout six days a week between doing that and working 40-50 hours a week it was too much for me to deal with. So I decided that I would change my goals and just try to put in the same amount of hours but in less days. So right now I'm trying to put in at least 7hrs of exercise a week and it seems to be working out better for me because I feel like I still get a couple of days off. I've started doing Zumba as a religion. lol I love doing the class and to be honest I don't even notice that I'm working out for an hour in my mind its an hour of dance and lets be honest who don't like to shake what their mama gave them. I've also fallen in love with working out in the pool it is so much easier on my knees and I still feel like I'm a limp dish rag when I'm done. Last Saturday the marathon team all got together to help out with one of the funnest things I've done in a while. We helped with the Covenant Health kids run at the Knoxville Zoo. I love cheering on the kids and seeing their little faces light up when they saw the finish line. I think it was so wonderful to see so many kids and their parents involved in this race. I honestly believe that getting healthy starts with home. I think if your parents help show you the right path you will follow that path for life. As my dad use to say "as a seed is sown so shall it grow". On Sunday I met up with Missy and Arielle along with my friend Jackie and did a senior thing at the Woman's basket ball hall of fame. We got to hang out with a bunch of great seniors and then we got to go the a Lady Vols game. I had never been to a game and I was very excited. I had so much fun and learned so much about basket ball. Today I ran my first 10K...go team Me! I did 6.2 miles in 1hr36min. My time was a little slower than when I did the Jingle bell run, but it was twice the distance. I have to say I was scared to run this race today. I have a hard time getting out of my head and sometimes when I'm in my head I think negative things like:" your not going to be able to run this whole race, its going to snow and your going to fall and hurt yourself then what are you going to do, your only fooling yourself your not strong enough to finish this" Things of that nature. I know I'm human and sometimes we are our worst critic but I learned today those thoughts are just there to hold us back. I had to remember where I came from and the road I have already traveled and tell those thoughts they are wrong. I'm strong, I'm not going to get hurt, I'm going to finish! I got up got my clothes on and went to the race. I was so proud of myself and for my other team members who did the race because we shut out the doubt in our heads and we did it. We all finished, no one got hurt and we were all strong!!!!! I've started collecting my number bibs from all of my races so I can put my times on them. I'm going to put them is a shadow box so I can see every day that I can do this, I am doing this and I will continue to do this!

fighting the good fight

This past week I have been working on fighting the good fight. I have still been doing my hour a day six day a week work out on the treadmill and some floor exercises. I've noticed that it is taking more effort to get my heart rate up. Heck it once was getting up from the chair would do that. lol On Wednesday I went to what I lovingly refer to fat class( in reality its a class I can take at the Convent weight management center that gives me tons of information and I love)and was very glad to see three of my other teammates there. Wednesday are had days for classes because of church, so most of the time its me and another lady. Last weeks lesson was about your support people and those who might not be out to help you meet your goals and how to tell the difference. I have to say I did see both kinds in my life, but the good part is I have so many more positive people in my life than negative that I honestly felt very blessed after taking the class. I also realized that my friends at work and the doctors I work for were the some of the most encouraging. That is a good feeling to know that even when you are away from home someone has your back and is cheering you on. On Thursday I didn't have to work late so I was able to get in an hour on the matrix treadmill before our team met up with our trainer Chris for our weekly workout. I have to say if you have never been on the matrix treadmill you have to try it out. You can pick a location you want to go to ( I went to Italy) and it will show you some sites while giving you a short history lesson and letting you walk the terrain. So if it shows you going up hill in the picture the incline on the treadmill will go up. All I can say is WAY COOL! I then worked out an hour with my team. It is always so good to get to see them. I honestly have to say I like them so much and I do see us being friends and doing things when this is done. On Saturday we meet downtown Knoxville with the Knoxville track team. It was soooo cold I think it was like 21 deg. I'm not big on cold and because I hate cold I didn't have the right kind of clothes to try to stay warm. I borrowed a regular pair of thermals from my boys, some gloves, a toboggan and was on my way out the door. Mike and I had decided we were going to do 8 miles. The first four miles were great, I had warmed up feeling fine. Then all of the sweating I was doing froze. I had no clue sweat could freeze. I have not been that cold in a long time. so needless to say our 8 mile jog turned into a 6 mile job because there was no way I could have gone any further. I got myself home got into the tub and the very next day I bought me something called cuddle duds. Its like under armor just cheaper. so as God as my witness I will never freeze again! On Monday I met up with my teammate/friend Lee Ann and we did Zumba. Before the class started I thought oh dancing this is going to be fun not work. Ha Ha Ha Man was I way off base with that one. It was very fun and I loved the faces that Lee Ann would make to me, but it was hard work too. According to my heart rate monitor we burned 700 calories taking that hour class. I don't do that jogging. Even though the class kicked my butt I do think I'm going to make it a point to start going to the class because I did have so much fun. Tomorrow is Thursday and I have a meeting with our dietitian Barbra. I hope that it goes well. I've been putting in the effort with the exercise and watching what I eat, but I'm still not dropping the numbers. My weight goes from 205-202 and I can't seem to get it where I have a #1 as my first number. That is one of my goals and its killing me that I haven't been able to see that happen yet. I know that I'm an all or nothing type thinker and I have to force myself to see the big picture sometimes. I always put on muscle first and then the weight will drop, it just takes my body a few months to figure out what the heck is going on. Even though I know this is how my body works it is still hard not to get a little drawn into the numbers game. That is why I'm both worried to see Barb tomorrow and excited also, because she always helps me see the big picture. I think sometimes we need someone who is not there to sugar coat things to tell us see what we are doing wrong and to help us see what we are doing right. I have motivational sayings on my locker at work and I think its time to make myself one for my workout area at home. I've learned if I read something several times over that is uplifting and motivational I start believing it and honestly isn't that what we are all looking for? Something to believe in..... I'm going to start by believing in myself! There is a story about the first picture. When I was in the wheelchair and was upset because things were not going as well as I had thought they would go my boys gave me a metal bracelet with the words never never never give up on it. Those words were my comfort on the hard days so sometimes you have to go back to the motivation you know works and remember where you can from and where you are going to.

Off to a better year.

Well I have to say that this year has started off better then most that I have had in the past. I have managed to do my hour a day work outs all this week and I have been eating better this week also. This past Tuesday WBIR live at 5 at 4 did a story on me about my wreck and about me joining Covenant Health biggest winner team. I have to say when it was filmed I was scared to death so I rattled on and on. The voice in my head was shouting you need to be quite, but my mouth just wouldn't stop. lol I have to thank Lee Ann Bowman (teammate/friend and producer of live at 5at4) and Chris O'Hearn (life coach/personal trainer..check him out at strongwithin.com) they were such big help to me and Lee Ann made me look like a sane person on T.V. To be honest it also was good for me to get to retell it because sometimes we remember the story but forget the feelings. I drove home that night thinking about just how blessed I am and feeling so much love and accomplishment. I know my story meant a lot to me, but to be honest I never though it would be as uplifting to anyone else. I always thought of it as my blessing and never thought that sharing it would or could bless/help anyone other than me. So to say the least I have been shocked a couple of times this week when people I don't know have stopped me asking if it was me on T.V and saying they wanted me to know what an encouraging story my story was and some of them have shared their life stories and to be honest I got so much from their courage and accomplishments as I got from my own. All I know is if my story helped one person it was so worth it. If you are interested in seeing the interview you can find it at http://www.wbir.com/news/local/story.aspx?storyid=198556....... Ok so on with the week. lol like I said I've been doing a lot of hour treadmill runs and on Thursday the team met up with Chris to learn the proper way to use some weights and how to use the exercise ball for crunches. I just knew I was going to be so sore the next day, but the only place I was real sore was my tummy. I think the reason I wasn't as sore as I thought I would be is because I so a lot of lifting and tugging at work so my body is use to it. This morning I met up with the team at the runners market to do 5 1/2 miles. I was so pumped about seeing if I could jog more of it than I did the last time and I did better this time, but still not as easy to do as running on the treadmill. When I got home I still had all this pent up energy so I decided to jump on the treadmill for 30min. I was proud I did two miles at 15.5 min. This is pretty good for me on the new treadmill. I'm thinking about going to take my hubby and son and go to the mnts tomorrow for a hike if its not raining if so I guess its my old friend treadmill and kinect. lol. I hope you all have a wonderful week and think you so much for reading my blog. I do want you to do one thing for me though I want you to take a minute and realize that maybe we haven't been handed the best hand in life, but if you look around you will notice just how blessed you are and the hard times are only there so that the blessing you get from it will be appreciated so much more.

Hello 2012 I'm so glad to see you!

I have to say this has been the hardest week for me all year. It started off being a great week. I met up with my team mate/friend Lee Ann Bowman( producer of live at five at 4)and Chris O'Hearn (team life coach/personal trainer) because Lee Ann wanted to do a story about me. Can you believe it a story about my life? I kind of had an idea the questions she was going to be asking about my life, my wreck and my goals with weight loss but as soon as the camera started rolling some very excited, bubbly took over my body and I found myself saying things like "I look in the mirror and say you go girl you got this!" lol It is all good though because I am excited and maybe that girl was the real me. She also taped Chris going through some workouts with me too, they were tough. The rest of the week was not as good and I ate everything that wasn't tied down. I got up at 4:30 on Tuesday morning before work and did an hour on the treadmill and that was the only chance I had to workout at all. I work for a surgery center and with it being the end of the year everyone is trying to get their surgeries done since they had met their deductibles. I worked 40hrs in 3 1/2 days soooo I was tired as I could be. I was so glad to see Saturday morning and get together with my team mates to do a hike to the top of House Mnt. I love hiking House Mnt. it is such a pretty hike and because I live at the foot of it I have hiked it several times. I have however always taken the blue trail thinking it was the easier trail man was I wrong. The white trail is a much easier. I was happy too that Lee Ann and Amanda and myself had made a band of sisterhood. It was so nice not having to worry about if someone was going to think bad about you if you had to stop and rest. I got up this morning and decided that this week I'm going to make up for all the exercise and bad food that I had eaten. I was able to do about an hour and 1/2 of exercise before my calf started cramping so I figured it was time to quit. lol I hope all of you have a great week!

God bless us each and every one!!!

With Christmas just two days away I like to look back over the year and see the things I'm thankful for and see the things I could have done better at. This year has been a year of mostly ups. I have been so blessed this year its almost not fair. lol First of all I have such a wonderful husband and two wonderful sons that have been trying their best to help me out and be supportive (even Mason who hates smoothies but will drink one to show he loves me). Second I have so many loving and supportive friends and Dr's (that I work for) who tell me every day how proud they are of me and are so happy for me when I accomplish a goal. I was accepted on the Covenant health biggest winner/marathon team and I can't even start to tell you how much it has already improved my life. I have so much more self esteem and for the first time in a long time I don't hate myself when I look into the mirror. I see so much potential in myself and I haven't been that way in years. The team has also given me lots of new friends and you know you can never have too many friends especially ones who are working for the same goal as you are. Ok enough of the mushy girl talk lol. I'm sure you all are wondering what I did with myself this week. First I have to let you know that we have been slammed at work so this week has been a slow one for me as far as exercise goes. I've done mostly 30-40 min on the recumbent bike and about 45 min of weight training at the gym. One of the funnest and greatest exercise I have found is my husband had bought me a x-box kinect with a game called your shape fitness evolved. It is so much fun and it makes sure you do the exercises correctly. I'm also thinking about getting the biggest looser game it looks fun also. when I did get a little time away from work this week I also got some of my other stuff done. I went back to see the dietitian Barbra. I have to say I love to go see her. I know she will call me on what I do wrong and she helps me so much to see how I can do it differently. She does get on me about not eating enough carbs. I think me whole life I have been taught carbs are bad so it is very hard for me to get out of that way of thinking but I'm honestly trying very hard. She did tell me that she was so proud of me because I make healthy food choices though. This time when I went to visit her she taught me how to read labels. I have to say I didn't have a clue. This is what you look for: 1. serving size 2. total fat need 5g or less a day. 3. sodium needs to be 300mg or less for a serving and no more than 2400 a day. 4. Total Carbs 12-19 gr = 1 carb serving, 24-38 = 2 carb servings. need 2carb serving for breakfast and lunch and 3-4 carb serving for dinner and 2 carb serving for a snack a day. 5. protein ...7gr = 1oz of meat. Also if the fiber in your food is 5gr or greater you can subtract this number from the total carbs and most importantly for me a meal must be over 200 calories anything less than that is just a snack. I hope I didn't confuse you with all the info I just found it very informative. It was another light bulb moment for myself. I also did my runners evaluation this week and found out the main reason my hips hurt when I run is because my hips are very weak especially in my right leg which is my bad leg. I was given a blue band and a set of exercises I'm to do three times a week to try to strengthen my hips up. It was kind of crazy to do the runners evaluation because it reminded me so much of my times in P.T. after my wreck and some of the exercises I'm having to do are the same ones I had to do to get back walking. Oh forgot to tell you when I got on the special scale they have at the weight loss center it showed that I'm still at 6lbs weight loss, but I have converted 13lbs from fat to muscle. woohooo go me!!! Well I'm going to go wrap some Christmas presents and spend time with my boys. I hope each and every one of you have a VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS!!! Try not to eat too much and when your with your family (even though they might drive you crazy) look around a take the time to realize how wonderful your life is. I'm not saying life is perfect or at times very hard I'm just saying that family is special and having a chance to be close to them tell them you love them and heck having them there to get under your skin is a huge blessing that I think sometimes we forget.

so sore it hurts to breath.

I've decided that until Christmas/New years is over I'm only going to be able to blog once a week. I've been a busy busy girl with work. This week has been no exception. This week I have been working on drinking more water and watching what I'm eating because I've had to cut down to 30min workouts this week. After the race last Saturday I must have somehow pulled my quad just a little. I was so determined to run across the finish line that I pushed myself past the pain to run. I learned that is not the best idea because you pay for that idea for days. I started icing my leg as soon as I got home and taking ibuprofen. Two days later I did a little heat. It took like 2-3 days but my leg is back to normal now. While I have been trying to recoup I've been doing the stationary bike and trying to do upper body workouts. One night I even tried belly dancing I've not laughed that hard in a long time. She was trying to teach us how to move our pelvis in a figure eight motion and I looked as if I was having a seizure. Don't think it was the sexy look she was going for. I did start doing planks and was able to hold it a min a few times a day. You wouldn't think holding yourself in one spot would be hard but it kicks my butt every time. On Saturday morning I met up with my biggest winner team at runners market Western plaza at 7:50AM. We ended up doing 5 miles. We were told to walk at first then to pick it up. My coach Missy Kane helped push me to push past my comfort zone and to see what I was capable of doing. When I was doing it I wasn't so sure I was going to make it, but I did. I got done with our workout and went home to get ready for my work Christmas party and to take some ibuprofen because I was already feeling my workout. I was worried about the food and if I would be able to eat anything. I think I did well I only ate off the salad plate and I drank tons of water. Plus we danced from 7-11 last night only coming off the floor long enough to get some water. I had so much fun. I wish every night was Christmas party night. I can honestly say I slept like a baby, but today when I got up I'm soooooo sore. I think I'm going to get on the treadmill at least for a mile and see if I can't get a little of the soreness out. I also wanted to thank you all for reading my blogs.