what a weekend

This has been one of the busiest and also one of the most exciting weekends I've had in a long time. First of all my baby Mason turned 15 on Friday. I swear you turn around and they are almost grown. I'm not sure where all the time has gone, but I've very sure of the fact that I'm doing the right thing by getting healthy so I can have many more years with my family. This weekend my family rented a small little cabin in Townsend. It wasn't anything great and grand, but it was very clean, had a hot tub and was close to Cades Cove. Most of the time the last part wouldn't mater to me, but my team was going to walk the cove loop. So, when I got off work on Friday, we took Mason out to eat and headed up for some hot tub time. I was very tired from working all day and knew I had to be up by 6:45 so I just went ahead and hit the bed. I got up early got bundled up because it was so cold and headed out for my adventure. The loop is like 11 miles so I was thinking to myself on the way up that is close to the half marathon which is 13.1 miles so if I can walk the loop I will have no problem on race day. When all of the team got there and the pictures were all taken we headed out. The Smokey Mnts had gotten a little bit of rain the day before so some of the road ways had water at least ankle deep over them. I was not very excited to get my feet wet and was very glad when Tonya suggested we flag down a truck and see if they would carry us across the water. We flagged down a very nice couple from Alabama (Roll Tide) who were more than happy to help us out. It was kind of funny to see all of us getting into the back of that truck but we did it. There were a lot of deers and turkeys out, but I'm glad that Amanda didn't get her wish and that we would get to see a bear. I would have made the trip in no time if I had seen one and wasn't in a car. lol We walked for what seemed like forever, but we did meet a lot of nice people on the way from other states. That is one of the nice things about my teammates we all love people and have fun getting to talk to people. By the time we were 11 miles in we all became very giddy. We laughed at signs like the one we thought was for the picnic area and was a person on a horse or the fact that Lee Ann kept saying I think the end is right up here. I have never laughed so much. I kept waiting for at any time for Missy our coach to come running back down the road and say "hey guys we have already done the loop twice, did some bike riding and hiked to the top of Mnt. Leconte and back. We were getting worried about you so I decided to run back and see how you were doing." It didn't happen and I might have over exaggerated how much energy Missy has, but she is the most energetic person I know. It is so very nice to have a coach who is just a ball of energy be so proud of you when you have been working hard. She tells us all the time how she is proud of us and that is such a wonderful feeling. Well back to the walk. When we finally did see the light at the end of the tunnel (our cars) we looked at our gps and we had done 13.1 miles. That is the same mileage as the 1/2 marathon it took us four hours, but we did it and we were still alive. I was so excited because I know on race day I will be able to make it and my time will be better because the loop is very hilly. I then got into my car went back to the cabin for some food and hot tub time, oh and a nap. Then we took Mason to Gatlinburg to Ripleys and for some BBQ. I'm kind of sore today in my hips, but it isn't as bad as I thought I would be so I'm a very excited girl. Just a few more weeks and I will get to see myself on the big screen. wooohoooo!

Don't stop believing

Well since we talked last I have been a very busy girl so this might get long. lol I want to start first and talk about how I'm working on fixing the way I look at myself. I found an old cigar box that once had belonged to my grandmother, some index cards, and the metal bracelet my kids had given me when I was in the wheel chair. I figured each of these things have had or will have a big place in my life. I was 10 when my grandmother passed away and I have always felt like she was my guardian angel so having something that she once kept something as special as my dads letters from Vietnam in meant that this box meant a lot to her. My metal bracelet my kids gave me is just a cheep little metal band that says " never never never quit". They gave it to me when I started therapy so I would know they were with me during the hard times. On the note cards I have wrote quotes that have inspired me like :instead of wishing you were someone else, be proud of who you are, you never know who has been looking at you wishing they were you. The other one I love is : you are not the mistakes you have made. There are more, but these two for some reason have more meaning to me. I also have two index cards on one every night I have wrote down what I honestly "love" about myself, and on the other one I have wrote down things I love about how I look. I put down something new every night and reread every night the things I have wrote the nights before. I have to say it was hard at first to find things I liked about how I looked. I started with things like have a pretty smile or great toe nails. lol Last nights entry was I love how my legs look so it is getting easier as the days go on. On the things I honestly love about myself I started out with I'm a great mom and last night I wrote down I'm a great "getting healthy" ambassador. I do all of this before I go to bed every night, then I think about my grandmother and her watching me, I look at my bracelet and remember where I can from and think about what a wonderful life I have and how very blessed I am. I let myself feel all the love that comes from that little box and what is inside of it.

This is my little better me box. As far as the workout part of my life I have been busy there also. I've been trying to put in about 7hrs of cardio a week. For the most part I'm getting it in. Even with having a nasty tummy bug last week I got in 5hrs. Last Saturday I met up with Lee Ann, Amanda,Darla, Darla's friend who I'm blanking on a name and their dogs to do the last half of 1/2 marathon. We started out at Cherokee blvd and ended up at Neyland stadium. We also met up with Edee who was hand cycling that day and was going to do the hill of death as I have lovingly come to think of it. lol We were only supposed to do 8 miles but we ended up doing 10.36 miles. I was never so glad to see the stadium. lol. Later that night some of us got together to celebrate Lee Ann's birthday. It was so nice to get to just let our hair down and have a good time. The next day I packed up my son Josh and my pups and met up with Mike at Ijams. After meeting a sweet pup named Mabel the Monday before while we were doing live at 5 at 4 on Chanel 10. She was a sweet girl who had been let get to around 70lbs then was dropped of at young willams. Her new mom works at the vet school and is working very hard at getting her back to being healthy. Anyhow after meeting her I stared thinking about my own pups and how they were getting a little chunky in the midsection. So off to Ijams we went. We did 3 miles which was good because my big dog Jack couldn't have done a step more. Honestly I was starting to worry we were going to have to figure out how to carry his 135lb self back to the car.

getting ready to take on the dreaded hill!

letting our hair down.

Taking the dogs for a walk. Monday I did six miles on the green way and did four miles on the track around work on Tuesday. I let myself rest on Wednesday then on Thursday I did an hour on the stationary bike on rolling hills ( this setting will kick your butt) and then did an hour with the team and our trainer Chris. We were in a room to ourselves and were working on strength exercises. The best part was we got to listen to music. I was soooooo happy when "don't stop believing " by Journey came on. I feel like that song sums up a lot of how I feel right now. Today we met up at the runners market and walked the green way that goes in behind Turkey Creek. We ended up doing 7.75 miles. Then we met up with Edee to have some coffee. Next weekend we are going to walk the Cades Cove loop. I'm excited I have rode my bike there as a kid, but I have never thought I would be strong enough to walk the whole thing.

our walk today

sweet Mabel

Josh with Jack and Parker

Loving my new look

Taken today

me last Labor day..what a difference a few months make

learning to love me again

This week has been a hard week for me. I would like to say its all been physical but to be honest most of it has been mental. I have a bad case of shin splints from the race on Sat and I've slowed myself down this week to recoup and try to get back to 100%. I've done mostly biking,planks and working out on my balancing ball. So as far as my shin is going I'm getting much better with it. Like I said on my last blog I'm my worst critic. I've learned that through sarcasm and laughter I can hide the fact I don't like who I have become. I didn't realize I was so negative about myself until this week one of my friends had pointed it out to me. People will say "wow look your getting skinny" or "your so pretty", and I will say things like well I'm trying or yeah right for a big girl. I didn't realize until this week by me doing this to myself I'm lowering my self esteem by a lot. I do have a problem with looking in the mirror and still seeing the big girl I once was and I sometimes think people are only saying thing like that to be nice, but what I have decided is I'm going to learn how to love me again. I'm going to start small and when people tell me I look pretty or that I'm getting thin I'm going to smile and say thank you. I'm not going to say whatever or think they are just trying to be nice. If they are telling me that without being prompted they must mean it and I have to start seeing it that way. I also got a chance to talk to biggest looser contestant Joe Mitchell today, he is a very nice man and had a great way for me to quit looking at the negative. I'm going to put a small note book beside my bed and every night I'm going to write down just one thing I "honestly" love about myself. Then I'm going to reread all of the things I have written down. I think by writing it down and knowing I'm only putting down what I honestly love it will help me see the real me not the one I see now. As for me learning how to love me again will probably be the biggest hurdle in my weight loss. I am going to take on this challenge and conquer it! one thing I "honestly " love about myself: I'm a great mom!

Go team Me!!!!!!

I have had the most busy two weeks of my life. lol First of all I should say I quit trying to workout six days a week between doing that and working 40-50 hours a week it was too much for me to deal with. So I decided that I would change my goals and just try to put in the same amount of hours but in less days. So right now I'm trying to put in at least 7hrs of exercise a week and it seems to be working out better for me because I feel like I still get a couple of days off. I've started doing Zumba as a religion. lol I love doing the class and to be honest I don't even notice that I'm working out for an hour in my mind its an hour of dance and lets be honest who don't like to shake what their mama gave them. I've also fallen in love with working out in the pool it is so much easier on my knees and I still feel like I'm a limp dish rag when I'm done. Last Saturday the marathon team all got together to help out with one of the funnest things I've done in a while. We helped with the Covenant Health kids run at the Knoxville Zoo. I love cheering on the kids and seeing their little faces light up when they saw the finish line. I think it was so wonderful to see so many kids and their parents involved in this race. I honestly believe that getting healthy starts with home. I think if your parents help show you the right path you will follow that path for life. As my dad use to say "as a seed is sown so shall it grow". On Sunday I met up with Missy and Arielle along with my friend Jackie and did a senior thing at the Woman's basket ball hall of fame. We got to hang out with a bunch of great seniors and then we got to go the a Lady Vols game. I had never been to a game and I was very excited. I had so much fun and learned so much about basket ball. Today I ran my first 10K...go team Me! I did 6.2 miles in 1hr36min. My time was a little slower than when I did the Jingle bell run, but it was twice the distance. I have to say I was scared to run this race today. I have a hard time getting out of my head and sometimes when I'm in my head I think negative things like:" your not going to be able to run this whole race, its going to snow and your going to fall and hurt yourself then what are you going to do, your only fooling yourself your not strong enough to finish this" Things of that nature. I know I'm human and sometimes we are our worst critic but I learned today those thoughts are just there to hold us back. I had to remember where I came from and the road I have already traveled and tell those thoughts they are wrong. I'm strong, I'm not going to get hurt, I'm going to finish! I got up got my clothes on and went to the race. I was so proud of myself and for my other team members who did the race because we shut out the doubt in our heads and we did it. We all finished, no one got hurt and we were all strong!!!!! I've started collecting my number bibs from all of my races so I can put my times on them. I'm going to put them is a shadow box so I can see every day that I can do this, I am doing this and I will continue to do this!

fighting the good fight

This past week I have been working on fighting the good fight. I have still been doing my hour a day six day a week work out on the treadmill and some floor exercises. I've noticed that it is taking more effort to get my heart rate up. Heck it once was getting up from the chair would do that. lol On Wednesday I went to what I lovingly refer to fat class( in reality its a class I can take at the Convent weight management center that gives me tons of information and I love)and was very glad to see three of my other teammates there. Wednesday are had days for classes because of church, so most of the time its me and another lady. Last weeks lesson was about your support people and those who might not be out to help you meet your goals and how to tell the difference. I have to say I did see both kinds in my life, but the good part is I have so many more positive people in my life than negative that I honestly felt very blessed after taking the class. I also realized that my friends at work and the doctors I work for were the some of the most encouraging. That is a good feeling to know that even when you are away from home someone has your back and is cheering you on. On Thursday I didn't have to work late so I was able to get in an hour on the matrix treadmill before our team met up with our trainer Chris for our weekly workout. I have to say if you have never been on the matrix treadmill you have to try it out. You can pick a location you want to go to ( I went to Italy) and it will show you some sites while giving you a short history lesson and letting you walk the terrain. So if it shows you going up hill in the picture the incline on the treadmill will go up. All I can say is WAY COOL! I then worked out an hour with my team. It is always so good to get to see them. I honestly have to say I like them so much and I do see us being friends and doing things when this is done. On Saturday we meet downtown Knoxville with the Knoxville track team. It was soooo cold I think it was like 21 deg. I'm not big on cold and because I hate cold I didn't have the right kind of clothes to try to stay warm. I borrowed a regular pair of thermals from my boys, some gloves, a toboggan and was on my way out the door. Mike and I had decided we were going to do 8 miles. The first four miles were great, I had warmed up feeling fine. Then all of the sweating I was doing froze. I had no clue sweat could freeze. I have not been that cold in a long time. so needless to say our 8 mile jog turned into a 6 mile job because there was no way I could have gone any further. I got myself home got into the tub and the very next day I bought me something called cuddle duds. Its like under armor just cheaper. so as God as my witness I will never freeze again! On Monday I met up with my teammate/friend Lee Ann and we did Zumba. Before the class started I thought oh dancing this is going to be fun not work. Ha Ha Ha Man was I way off base with that one. It was very fun and I loved the faces that Lee Ann would make to me, but it was hard work too. According to my heart rate monitor we burned 700 calories taking that hour class. I don't do that jogging. Even though the class kicked my butt I do think I'm going to make it a point to start going to the class because I did have so much fun. Tomorrow is Thursday and I have a meeting with our dietitian Barbra. I hope that it goes well. I've been putting in the effort with the exercise and watching what I eat, but I'm still not dropping the numbers. My weight goes from 205-202 and I can't seem to get it where I have a #1 as my first number. That is one of my goals and its killing me that I haven't been able to see that happen yet. I know that I'm an all or nothing type thinker and I have to force myself to see the big picture sometimes. I always put on muscle first and then the weight will drop, it just takes my body a few months to figure out what the heck is going on. Even though I know this is how my body works it is still hard not to get a little drawn into the numbers game. That is why I'm both worried to see Barb tomorrow and excited also, because she always helps me see the big picture. I think sometimes we need someone who is not there to sugar coat things to tell us see what we are doing wrong and to help us see what we are doing right. I have motivational sayings on my locker at work and I think its time to make myself one for my workout area at home. I've learned if I read something several times over that is uplifting and motivational I start believing it and honestly isn't that what we are all looking for? Something to believe in..... I'm going to start by believing in myself! There is a story about the first picture. When I was in the wheelchair and was upset because things were not going as well as I had thought they would go my boys gave me a metal bracelet with the words never never never give up on it. Those words were my comfort on the hard days so sometimes you have to go back to the motivation you know works and remember where you can from and where you are going to.

Off to a better year.

Well I have to say that this year has started off better then most that I have had in the past. I have managed to do my hour a day work outs all this week and I have been eating better this week also. This past Tuesday WBIR live at 5 at 4 did a story on me about my wreck and about me joining Covenant Health biggest winner team. I have to say when it was filmed I was scared to death so I rattled on and on. The voice in my head was shouting you need to be quite, but my mouth just wouldn't stop. lol I have to thank Lee Ann Bowman (teammate/friend and producer of live at 5at4) and Chris O'Hearn (life coach/personal trainer..check him out at strongwithin.com) they were such big help to me and Lee Ann made me look like a sane person on T.V. To be honest it also was good for me to get to retell it because sometimes we remember the story but forget the feelings. I drove home that night thinking about just how blessed I am and feeling so much love and accomplishment. I know my story meant a lot to me, but to be honest I never though it would be as uplifting to anyone else. I always thought of it as my blessing and never thought that sharing it would or could bless/help anyone other than me. So to say the least I have been shocked a couple of times this week when people I don't know have stopped me asking if it was me on T.V and saying they wanted me to know what an encouraging story my story was and some of them have shared their life stories and to be honest I got so much from their courage and accomplishments as I got from my own. All I know is if my story helped one person it was so worth it. If you are interested in seeing the interview you can find it at http://www.wbir.com/news/local/story.aspx?storyid=198556....... Ok so on with the week. lol like I said I've been doing a lot of hour treadmill runs and on Thursday the team met up with Chris to learn the proper way to use some weights and how to use the exercise ball for crunches. I just knew I was going to be so sore the next day, but the only place I was real sore was my tummy. I think the reason I wasn't as sore as I thought I would be is because I so a lot of lifting and tugging at work so my body is use to it. This morning I met up with the team at the runners market to do 5 1/2 miles. I was so pumped about seeing if I could jog more of it than I did the last time and I did better this time, but still not as easy to do as running on the treadmill. When I got home I still had all this pent up energy so I decided to jump on the treadmill for 30min. I was proud I did two miles at 15.5 min. This is pretty good for me on the new treadmill. I'm thinking about going to take my hubby and son and go to the mnts tomorrow for a hike if its not raining if so I guess its my old friend treadmill and kinect. lol. I hope you all have a wonderful week and think you so much for reading my blog. I do want you to do one thing for me though I want you to take a minute and realize that maybe we haven't been handed the best hand in life, but if you look around you will notice just how blessed you are and the hard times are only there so that the blessing you get from it will be appreciated so much more.

Hello 2012 I'm so glad to see you!

I have to say this has been the hardest week for me all year. It started off being a great week. I met up with my team mate/friend Lee Ann Bowman( producer of live at five at 4)and Chris O'Hearn (team life coach/personal trainer) because Lee Ann wanted to do a story about me. Can you believe it a story about my life? I kind of had an idea the questions she was going to be asking about my life, my wreck and my goals with weight loss but as soon as the camera started rolling some very excited, bubbly took over my body and I found myself saying things like "I look in the mirror and say you go girl you got this!" lol It is all good though because I am excited and maybe that girl was the real me. She also taped Chris going through some workouts with me too, they were tough. The rest of the week was not as good and I ate everything that wasn't tied down. I got up at 4:30 on Tuesday morning before work and did an hour on the treadmill and that was the only chance I had to workout at all. I work for a surgery center and with it being the end of the year everyone is trying to get their surgeries done since they had met their deductibles. I worked 40hrs in 3 1/2 days soooo I was tired as I could be. I was so glad to see Saturday morning and get together with my team mates to do a hike to the top of House Mnt. I love hiking House Mnt. it is such a pretty hike and because I live at the foot of it I have hiked it several times. I have however always taken the blue trail thinking it was the easier trail man was I wrong. The white trail is a much easier. I was happy too that Lee Ann and Amanda and myself had made a band of sisterhood. It was so nice not having to worry about if someone was going to think bad about you if you had to stop and rest. I got up this morning and decided that this week I'm going to make up for all the exercise and bad food that I had eaten. I was able to do about an hour and 1/2 of exercise before my calf started cramping so I figured it was time to quit. lol I hope all of you have a great week!